GET CONTROL OF THESE AND SUCCESS IS ON THE WAY!
At some point in our lives, we all feel a bit stuck, whether it’s in a relationship that doesn’t make us happy, at a job that doesn’t quite suit us or with a goal that always feels just out of reach. For whatever reason, we’re unable to make a change -- or find true fulfillment -- in some area of life. Sometimes the answer to these kinds of problems lies within: Whether you realize it or not, YOU may actually be what’s making you feel stagnant by unknowingly engaging in self-sabotaging behaviors. Here are 10 ways you may be getting in your own way and holding yourself back in the process.
1. YOU DONT THINK YOUR GOOD ENOUGH.
Low self-esteem is a common hurdle, and it can instill a sense of being unworthy of whatever it is you want. I often notice that clients struggle to accept they are ‘good enough.’ You may not apply for a promotion because you’ve already concluded that your co-worker is better qualified, or you give up on online dating because deep down you don’t think you’re pretty enough or young enough. Another way this manifests is when you fear that your efforts won’t be good enough and the overarching worry prevents you from really trying your hardest. Some people don’t go after a goal with gusto because if they fail then they have an excuse to save face. They often hold back just enough and increase the odds they will not succeed, but do so with a built-in excuse (e.g., I would have succeeded but, it cost too much, I was too tired, I was missing out on time with my family, working too much, I had other priorities).
2. YOU PROCRASTINATE
Another common form of self-sabotage is delaying action! This is actually quite common among perfectionists. Perfectionism leads to procrastination, which can lead to paralysis. You get caught up in minutia and can’t distinguish what is important and what is not. Overthinking is also connected to procrastination: Overthinkers fear making a mistake, so they come up with too many scenarios that might go wrong and then feel they must come up with plans to counter those possibilities. The result: They feel overwhelmed and procrastinate. Realize that done is often better than perfect, and give yourself permission to just finish a project with the knowledge that you can edit and make it better later.
3. YOUR IN A NEGATIVE THOUGHT LOOP.
Degenerative language is one of the biggest perpetuators of getting in your own way! Degenerative language is essentially self-sabotaging, past-based language that serves as a negative self-fulfilling prophecy. It keeps you in a negative space about yourself and your achievements. When it comes to working out, for instance, you may have thoughts like “I should have run faster” or “The person next to me looks better” or “I still have much more weight to lose.” The negative thoughts demotivate people from taking positive steps toward health. We will do these amazing, awesome, positive things for our bodies and minds like going for a run or going to the gym and then immediately start thinking negative thoughts! It's crazy! It doesn’t matter how fast or slow you go, you’re still lapping the person who is sitting on the couch. You're doing to have half ass daysband you're going to have beast days!
Be present and proud that you are just getting it done!
4. YOU ARE USING RESPONSIBILITIES AS EXCUSES.
Some of the most common self-sabotaging behavior that manifests among my clients is not taking responsibility for their own lives. I often hear reasoning like, “I can’t do XYZ because I have to look after my husband/children/elderly parent.” Well we all have responsibilities. It’s very easy for our subconscious minds to use them as excuses not to go after our dreams because if we do, we may fail or be disappointed. In effect, we’re holding up our hands and saying, ‘Oh well, it’s not my fault I can’t do that!’ A common way this may show up in your life is when it comes to diet and exercise, many people often tell themselves that they don’t have enough time to work out. You don’t need to work out for an hour every day to be healthy or to lose weight. Twenty minutes is better than no minutes!
5. YOU HAVENT WEEDED OUT THE TOXIC PEOPLE YET!
From staying in a bad relationship to continually agreeing to have drinks with your frenemy, engaging with people who don’t add anything positive to your life prevents you from seeking out healthier bonds and just depletes you emotionally. A lot of people rationalize and justify these relationships. They have core beliefs that the needs of others are more important than their own needs. Then they beat themselves up for staying in the relationship. It’s a vicious cycle! While these relationships are unique to each person, it’s worth evaluating how you feel after you spend time with certain people in your life. Ask yourself what your mood is after you grab a cup of coffee or chat over the phone. If you feel drained or stressed rather than fulfilled, you know it’s time dial back that relationship. Start weeding them out!
6. YOUR TOO CONCERNED WITH FITTING IN! BE ORIGINAL !
Adult peer pressure can be a powerful thing, and it’s important to resist the urge to give in. This is particularly true when it comes to making healthy choices: Perhaps you’re dining out with friends and everyone is ordering burgers and fries. Since “cheating” together is almost a bonding ritual these days, especially among women, it’s difficult to be the person who orders a salad or pulls out a Tupperware from home in this situation, especially if your dining companions start giving you a hard time. What you choose to eat and drink , or not drink, has nothing to do with your friends. Why should your food choices and desire to feel good affect them?
7. YOU STOP WHEN TOU START SEEING RESULTS.
Perhaps you are skilled at accomplishing your goals, but you lack the proper follow-through to keep them going. Sometimes when we see some improvement we begin to demand less of ourselves. We feel like we deserve a break, so we start to slow down and change the very behavior that got us the results in the first place. People are typically great at building momentum, and then getting bored walking away from it. The solution to this is all about willpower. Stay on task and don’t allow the usual excuses to win out. When you see results that should show you what you are capable of! Use this to fuel the fire and keep going!